Greg

I recall growing up at 15 Glengarry as experiencing a by-gone era, where play dates did not exist and dogs wandered and shat wherever they felt like it. It was on us to watch where we stepped!

A day in the life was, get ourselves to school, get ourselves home (whenever- which would often include spending the afternoon at a friend’s house doing homework then Nintendo, or playing pickup football somewhere.. basically whatever we wanted). Often the place we ended up was Glengarry itself, due to the unlimited Snapples in the fridge and dedicated Nintendo TV (with MTV available in the other room). Me & the crew of friends also cleaned the house every few weeks, for a reasonable fee. Though generally we got our school stuff done (generally- but for me not always- more on that later!). But the point is, we were on our own and so much better for it.. completely opposite to today’s “helicopter parents” environment that is ruining a generation.

AND- we had the backbone & love of Pua Pua- Victor’s mom- who would have a quiet presence in the kitchen, often making us snacks like home made mantou (Chinese steamed dough bun), or the fantastic invention of mini-pizzas made from English muffin, meat spaghetti sauce, and a thick slice of American cheese, all toasted in the oven to perfection. She used to also make wonderful pound cake (I always wanted the end slice because she made it thicker!), her incredible potato salad that (unusually) included peas, hard boiled eggs, and apples for a pop of crunch and tart! Plus Chinese upside down egg flan, home made beef jerky.. the list goes on & on, but I digress.

She and Victor’s dad (“Gung Gung” to us) lived on the third floor of the house. But looking back, Pua Pua’s presence was I think a real enabler to this sort of separation of Victor & Stephanie focusing (mostly) on work, and the kids focusing (mostly) on being kids, with Pua Pua to sort of serve as a foundational presence. Once again society seems to have regressed since then, losing that synergy for outsourcing parental care to nursing homes (though it does comes with its own challenges- I recall many tiffs between Victor & Pua Pua on how to best trim the flank steak for beef & onions.. conflicting views based on waste ethic & life experiences!)

I also remember some fun bantering with Gung Gung, Victor’s dad, who also lived with us until he passed when I was in I think middle school- mid-eighties-ish.. he was a quiet & reflective guy with small pearls of wisdoms he would occasionally offer. I thought of him as a Yoda-type, not just in wisdom but also in stature- and I remember clearly when Victor tried to fool him telling him our oregano was marijuana. But Gung Gung (the OG Gung Gung- Victor’s dad)- wasn’t having it!

Victor and Stephanie also provided that foundation, with of course not just the “roof over head and food at the table”, but one of the very firm constraints was we were all to be sat at the table at dinner time- no matter what. Everyone stop what you’re doing & rush to the table when you hear “SA FEN LO!!!” (Which I take to mean dinner time in mandarin). Victor’s emphasis on the family unit continued through Sunday Dinners even after we went to college.. and then later in life our “Zuem” calls post-COVID. This value of family time was & is instrumental in our closeness & unity.

Back to weeknight dinners, Victor was the primary chef, whipping up a multitude of delights, almost daily, which have been well documented with Cory’s website. Mom also had some cooking chops up her sleeve, perhaps the highlights being Rossian casserole, her wonderful twice cooked potatoes (my name for them- she never had a name that I know of) under roast chicken (these and more are captured on my food blog http://gregfoodie.blogspot.com/), she also had some wild concoctions where she would take like the whole thanksgiving dinner, chop it up & stir fry it (turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, peas.. you name it), and then serve it over toast!

And beyond food, we did local bike rides as a family on weekends (often ending at Dairy Queen), Victor would take us on wonderful flounder and later when they ran out, deep sea fishing trips (flounder have since come back I think, but man we used to come home with garbage bags full of fish, which we would clean in an assembly line fashion in the kitchen (using pliers to remove the skin!), and then distribute pounds and pounds of fillets to the neighbors.

Speaking of neighbors, we had good ones- except for one- the “Macnemies”! They lived on the top of the hill on the right.. and Alex just never seemed like a good seed. He was a little older than us.. we would play kickball or baseball at the base of our hill & would fear when the ball went on or near their property. (I remember one time we discovered that if you hit a “superball” (this 1” diameter hard super bouncy rubber ball) with a bat, it would like bolt like a tiny round missile- we’re talking like ¼ mile distances! We did not do that many times for fear of damage or safety, not the least of which was fear of hitting the Macnemie house!

So one year we were trick or treating for Halloween, and Alex (and his friend I forget his name now), were bullying us and so we came back home & did not complete our candy mission. When we told Victor, he went out like a papa bear to set these kids straight. He had some kind of verbal interaction with them being clear that what they were doing was not ok (Victor could be pretty strict/intimidating), and we thought that was that. The next day “Mr Macnemie”- who we found out was a lawyer- knocked on our door and said “see you in court”! Well it turns out Alex and his friend, after the verbal altercation with Victor, decided to literally scratch themselves up and then claimed Victor did it! All that came out in court, where Alex was charged with perjury and the case was dismissed, but anyway, the name Macnemie still does not sit well with me to this day!

Speaking of lying- Victor would not tolerate it. He was a very strict parent in general (and more so I think when there was work stress- like I remember getting spanked for accidentally leaving my wallet at a movie theater- seemed like overkill!)- but one time Mike & I were chartered with bringing up firewood from the basement, and one of us dropped a big piece of wood on the rocking chair and it broke the back of it. Rather than just stating this, for which we were apparently scared of the consequences, we carefully stuck the wood back on, such that the next unsuspecting user would rock back and it would totally fail & we could say they broke it (was our flawed thinking!). Of course the next user was Victor (it was “his” chair).. and he went nuclear- not that we broke it, but the lie! To this day we four I think very much conditioned to tell the truth! (Or get eaten up inside if/when we are not).

Things were not always smooth sailing. When I was in middle school, and (I think) Victor did not get the tenure he was long seeking at MIT, they both had significant work pressure, and we were even more so on our own, and there was a fair bit of conflict between Vic & mom. They were even considering moving to California, so great was their discontent. In this period, I had an episode of depression where I stopped doing my school work.. it culminated in an assignment I was supposed to complete for Social Studies on the Zulu tribe in Africa. The teacher called home notifying that I did not turn it in. When challenged, I said I lost it. At that point the whole house started looking for it. Finally at dinner, Victor said “is it possible you didn’t do it”? And I said, “well, it’s possible…” lol. Then we went to my locker at school, which was stuffed to the top with unorganized papers, old graded tests with low grades- total chaos. That was a difficult night with lots of crying, but in the end was the start of getting me out of that depressive episode and back on track.

Middle school is hard enough, and we were all going through lots of stuff at that time (at the same time, Cory’s teeth rotted out due to going to bed nightly with a bottle of acidic apple juice- and we did not realize it until he like stopped eating due to the pain of exposed nerves!). Also in or around that period I also was chartered with taking Tim to the first day of his school (it must have been elementary)- and I just left him there at the main entrance rather than finding him his homeroom teacher.. a life lesson for both of us I am sure (100% I should have found him his teacher), as well as for Vic & mom for what I would view as “over-delegating” as at least a contributing factor! But again we all turned out well, and in the end are all stronger for it with all these adversities. Tim made it to his class!

Another fond memory I have is the “work parties” that Victor & mom would host. Victor was in a band inspired by a band called “The Ventures.” He played bass. They specialized in surfer rock (Hawaii 5-oh, wipeout, Walk, Don’t run, etc) and had the special Mosrite guitars that had low wire to fret distance making them easier to play. Dave the drummer reminded me of gonzo in the muppet show. They would have like 30+ people over, dancing all over the first floor to the live music. And when they played “you really got me” by the kinks- fugetaboutit!

Looking back, Victor & Stephanie provided a wonderful platform where we could each grow & anneal in our own way, facing our own little triumphs and failures, with very long leashes, but always the fundamentals (love, bonding, roof over our heads, importance of being a good person & telling the truth, wonderful food & vacations, not to mention sports cars along the way- definitely fundamental!, weekend outings, parties, work ethic) in place. While life offers all kinds of twists and turns, at the macro level, looking at the four of us, I would say they did a damned fine job!